• Dating While Black

Do's and Don'ts of Dating During Pandemic

Stand Out

Take a true self assessment to look for things about your life, experiences and or desires that maybe interesting or inspiring and share them. This can be great conversation pieces and gives the person a glimpse into your world. It can pique the conversation and their interest in getting to know you more. Think about it, everyone has the same type of conversations. Where are you from? What do you do? What have you been coping? Do you work from home? These a often questions answered before the first phone call. They are important but in order to stand out give them a peep into who you are as a person. Avoid bragging or giving off the impression that you are someone that you are not. Encourage them to do the same. If you intrigue or pique someones interest, you have a greater chance of drawing someone into you.

Be Considerate

People are adjusting to the world that is constantly changes. Restrictions are changing and the economy is volatile. The change is real and has had an impact on those with school age children. Especially for those with school aged children. Understand that these times people are adjusting to changes in their lives might impact their availability. If you find that the time and effort doesn't match your need, do not take it personal. Instead put more energy in someone who may match your availability.

Substance is Key

This is true in dating ; pandemic or not. Make sure that your conversations are meaningful. Ask questions that are important to the development of a bond. Questions should align with what's important for you to know. But do not make the conversation a simple Q & A series. Find out their ideas and expand by sharing your perspective as a means to curate an organic conversation.


Make sure that it reflects the most accurate image. Do not send pictures from 2 or more years ago. Avoid sending pictures that do not look like you do currently. If you do not have a current picture, take one. This will alleviate any uncomfortable or awkward situations in the future when it is time to meet.

Virtual Meeting

Be open to a Facetime, Whatsapp or Zoom call. Do this early rather than later. For the best possible virtual meeting you want to make sure you check for the following :

1) Good Connection

2) Good Lighting

3) Clean area

4) Distraction Free

5) Look nice


Talk About Covid all the time

Do not use Covid as a focal point in your conversations. Yes, we are going through a pandemic. Everyone is feeling the effects. Everyone is talking about it on a daily basis. Make better use of your time. In an attempt to get a deeper connection, go beyond the lame "covid is wack" convo. Use your conversations as an opportunity to escape things we cannot change and build on things you share in common. If you lean towards positive conversations, you may see a more positive outcome. You discussions become more interesting and effective.

Jump to Conclusions

Sometime people become overwhelmed with responsibilities at work, home and life in general. Understand that at times a person's availability may change. Face it, our mood and mental health are constantly being tested. Sometimes people need a break from everything. Someone that was very attentive may have an off day. It can clearly have zero do to with their interest level. Avoid hounding them about not calling you back that one time as if they work for you. Give them time to come around and if they don't, move on to the next. Singles have reported their desire and optimism has changed several times in the past months. These changes are often times due to dating fatigue. Which we do not have control over. If you are not getting what you need. State it once and move on if you do not notice an improvement.


You may think that cat-fishing is using someone else's photos. You can also be accused of cat-fishing if you use filters on all of your photos or use photos of yourself that does not currently represent what you look like today. Make sure on your dating profile to use recent pictures. If pictures are old, ask a friend, if you still look the same. Sometimes our perception of our appearance may be a bit flawed. Ask a trusted friend for help in selecting which picture looks most like you do today. Instead of asking them if the picture looks good. A good picture of you is different than a picture that best reflects what you currently look like.

Negativity and Cynicism

We already have a lot of things going on with the social justice reform, murders of Blacks at the hands of officers and systemic racism. These are important topics that should not be avoided. Especially since it is apart of our daily lives. It is important to talk and find out how your potential suitor feels about voting, legislation, etc. These items are not necessarily uplifting but they do not bring on such a drag as being negative about dating.

We casually joke about how flawed the opposite sex can be through our conversations. Sometimes the comments are framed in a form of a compliment. Comments such as "I'm surprised you ..." or "Most men don't... " may seem as compliments. However, some people do not find these statements complimentary. Making cynical comments indirect and direct can cause a potential suitor to put up a shield. Oftentimes making these comments drives people away.

Covid- Shame

With people on both sides of the social distancing debate, it is easy to start shaming others on their decision. Regardless of how you feel about the pandemic, respect the other persons right to be different. Allow them to voice their opinions. If their ideas differs from yours regarding this topic or any other determine if it is a deal breaker. Covid will eventually go away. But a person you've offended by being judgmental will go away much quicker. Be open and create a comfortable environment as you get to know the person. Again, if their views are different than yours and you find it to be a deal breaker, move on to the next and waste no more time.

Brief Recap


  1. Stand out - Have unique transparent conversations

  2. Be Considerate and understanding when it comes to availability

  3. Have meaningful but light conversation

  4. Use current photos

  5. Be open to a virtual date/call


  1. Do not talk about covid the entire time

  2. Be clingy or quick to conclusions without evidence or facts.

  3. Use old photos

  4. Stay away from negative talk

  5. Be judgmental on a persons views about dating or meeting during the pandemic

The most important do of all time is : Be yourself!

The most important don't of all time is": Don't sweat the small stuff!

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